Today I feel like I could be in love with anyone. With everyone. And yet I feel so low. Lower than ever. Is positive emotion linked to self degradation?
All those times, feeling like superman, did I think that everyone was beneath me?
Maybe that's what it was.
Last night, Katrin told me that I was lucky. Lucky because of my passport, unlucky because of my face. But lucky nevertheless, because I have a better perspective of the way things really are. Even if that doesn't benefit me.
I forgot, she was a philosophy graduate. And is older than me. She hugged me. And I felt so strange, some how guilty. For feeling lost, and strange.
These are good people, they're willing to help me, hide me. So, why do I feel like the token foreigner? Why do I feel like to ask for help would be to use someone?
Your tale of the little boy and barbecue lands.
What's in a land anyway?
Today I was at the Karneval der Kulturen. There was a Hari Krishna float. It irritated me, masking cult religion as culture. The carnival is commercial anyway, what do I care. I've been walking way too much - without a monthly card, I've walked a total of 20 hours this week. And ate a lot of bananas.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
the taste of the bullet
there was a boy. a little one in the middle of the dirty road. he is almost naked, he was wearing only shorts. his skin is the shade of the land. he was standing, watching the car coming in his direction. fearless. maybe just ignored it because this boy never saw a car crash. it was a native. the road to the resort in the beach passes through his tribe lands. he didn`t move at all. and the car past him by. we watched his silly courage from inside the windows, with the air conditioner on. we felt a deja vu. it might have happened several times.
this world is too small for both us. there is no place to hide. if the mountain will not come to muhammad, then muhammad will go to the mountain. in the cities many babies never saw that dangerous world outside home, and after some time, those babies will grow and not leave the mother city. medieval globalization. see the round globe in the plane window.
lula said that our financial crisis is white men with blue eyes fault. he is racist. our little boy doesnt have a bank account. many critics said that the financial crisis is white men with brown eyes fault, as lula. as me. its my fault. im richer than the average joe here. i was inside the car, i wasnt the one standing on the ground. im guilty.
then i think about german people. they are descendants of people who watched the nazis within the stage. two world wars. completely destroied. completely rebuilt. which doesnt kill make us stronger. its the taste of the bullet. the most recent war which happened here that i can remember is against paraguay. paraguay was developing too fast. but it didnt have a coast to build ports. brazil, argentina and england had. brazil didnt have enough guns, but it had lots of black slaves to fight unnarmed. unnarmed and chained. genocide. 99% of the male population of paraguay perished. even children were recruited. there is a tale of a fleeing army inside a florest. the enemies burnt the whole forest. barbecue of paraguayans. but, back to the main matter, the germans rebuilt their country twice in a single century. the paraguayans dont.
it doesnt matter. it is its land. is it its land? is there a place for it? how many cars full of tourists will dodge little boys without causalities? will they survive to strike back? can i turn my back to those facts?
this world is too small for both us. there is no place to hide. if the mountain will not come to muhammad, then muhammad will go to the mountain. in the cities many babies never saw that dangerous world outside home, and after some time, those babies will grow and not leave the mother city. medieval globalization. see the round globe in the plane window.
lula said that our financial crisis is white men with blue eyes fault. he is racist. our little boy doesnt have a bank account. many critics said that the financial crisis is white men with brown eyes fault, as lula. as me. its my fault. im richer than the average joe here. i was inside the car, i wasnt the one standing on the ground. im guilty.
then i think about german people. they are descendants of people who watched the nazis within the stage. two world wars. completely destroied. completely rebuilt. which doesnt kill make us stronger. its the taste of the bullet. the most recent war which happened here that i can remember is against paraguay. paraguay was developing too fast. but it didnt have a coast to build ports. brazil, argentina and england had. brazil didnt have enough guns, but it had lots of black slaves to fight unnarmed. unnarmed and chained. genocide. 99% of the male population of paraguay perished. even children were recruited. there is a tale of a fleeing army inside a florest. the enemies burnt the whole forest. barbecue of paraguayans. but, back to the main matter, the germans rebuilt their country twice in a single century. the paraguayans dont.
it doesnt matter. it is its land. is it its land? is there a place for it? how many cars full of tourists will dodge little boys without causalities? will they survive to strike back? can i turn my back to those facts?
Friday, May 15, 2009
you-no-her
i was roaming and i saw her
she is a copy of you
...
better
she is a copy of whom you're not
she is a copy of whom you should be
...
correction
she is whom i wanted you to be
uoy was i dna gnimaor saw i
she is a copy of you
...
better
she is a copy of whom you're not
she is a copy of whom you should be
...
correction
she is whom i wanted you to be
eb ot reh detnaw i mohw er'uoy
noitcerroc
...
eb dluohs ehs mohw of ypoc
ton s'ehs mohw fo ypoc a er'uoy
...
retteb
reh fo ypoc a er'uoy
uoy was i dna gnimaor saw i
Friday, May 1, 2009
Junkie
At the train station late last night, a middle-aged man hiding two beer bottles, with bloodshot eyes and dirty clothes asked me which direction to take the U-Bahn to get to Kurfürstendamm. I directed him, and he asked me whether I knew my way around the city. I replied yes, and he asked me where I was from because of my accent. I told him from Australia, and he nodded and began to speak in English. He was disappointed in himself because although his English was quite alright for conversation, he didn't have a very large vocabulary.
He told me about his dreams of travelling, of seeing New York one time. He said that little by little he was collecting money in a bank account to go there, he felt that it was perhaps impossible, even though it doesn't cost so much to travel there from Germany. I told him that I was sure he would make it there one day, and a hopeful smile came across his face, "Oh, you think so, do you?" "Ja, es wäre bestimmt ein Abenteuer, aber trotzdem ist es möglich." I replied.
He boarded the train with a cheery expression on his face, and it made me wonder why people avoided these kinds of persons, they're harmless after all. Sometimes it's nice just have a little chat with a stranger.
He told me about his dreams of travelling, of seeing New York one time. He said that little by little he was collecting money in a bank account to go there, he felt that it was perhaps impossible, even though it doesn't cost so much to travel there from Germany. I told him that I was sure he would make it there one day, and a hopeful smile came across his face, "Oh, you think so, do you?" "Ja, es wäre bestimmt ein Abenteuer, aber trotzdem ist es möglich." I replied.
He boarded the train with a cheery expression on his face, and it made me wonder why people avoided these kinds of persons, they're harmless after all. Sometimes it's nice just have a little chat with a stranger.
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