Accents

I've started tutoring again, and of the three accents I have to listen to regularly, the Chinese one is really starting to shit me. Although that's the best paid one. Damn.

Boobs

Today I saw a short, slightly chubby woman with the biggest breasts I'd ever seen for someone of her size. Hell, they were the biggest breasts I'd ever seen in a long time.
At first I wondered if they were the right size to have surgically removed due to back pain.
Then I wondered if surgery was the reason that they were that large.
In any case, I was in awe as she didn't trip-stagger forward, making her way along the U-Bahn.
I don't know what I would do in her situation.
I felt a little perverted, truth be told, that I seemed to be the only one who noticed.
I wonder if they - those around, noticed me noticing her. Noticed my noticing her not noticing that I noticed her.
Perhaps it was in fact all a pretence, that she did not notice. And maybe after all, I'm more noticeable than her, just for the colour of my skin and minus the possession of miraculously gravity-defying melons.

And I hate those kinds of people

Always happy, dumb.
But not at all numb.
Ant-like in their actions.

Self important,
Self indulgent and
Egotistic

With big tits,
Big dicks
Or a harpoon.

Feeling sorry for me,
For themselves,
Saying that they are.

Sometimes they have my pity

Yet I hate those kinds of people.
I hate them.
The weak, the strong, the defiant.

I hate those kinds of people,
The ones who write this kind of shit.

no love at first sight after the first sight

i hope i die before i get old
it's a shame to die young

suicide is a escape route. the emergency exit. or just fleeing. and death is the solution of all problems, it is the solution of all solutions too. death by its own hands is for cowards. a live being must face it. as a smile throw into the abyss.

but i don't fear the dead. a fear being alive, being a waste of lungs with air without scent. because if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and there's no ear to hear it, there is no sound. and beethoven was almost deaf. anyway, everything is ok, everything is alright, warm, soft and numb.

is it victory? to survive the random illness which kill babies. every year after birthday to celebrate the cycle of seasons. every summer. i'm a winner. second place. i'm the second one after me in auto analysis. watching myself from outside and describing my sight. the sight which prefers the background. the soul which travels in dreams instead of reality.

(deleted phrase)

the descriptions lacks traits. because one image has many words to describe it. and words have many meanings. and every tongue is the ambassador of a mind. misspelling. mistranslated. then i read books. at least i have a word to describe it. i have a meaning to find. to answer. to not be a blank sheet.

sometimes i think i did my best. the best world possible. my miserable efforts were all i could do. i had to fight lazyness, apathy. the rests of my efforts. the power within my breath and the voice. it isn't loud enough to travel across the oceans, between the continents. electromagnetic waves shining from our homes. the light that entered through the windows of my room, shine on me. and be lost. diffused. it's only noise in the radar without power to be noticed, without power to interfere in the main signal. the tv anthems don't throw my face onto the screen, it's me on the mirror. plus the dirty in the glass

i'm not young anymore.
no surprises

carpe diem
memento mori