ISO-lation

Isolation is a funny thing, looking through the camera lens. Hiding behind the black plastic body, finger on the trigger a reluctant weapon. Wish I took a better picture, of that beautiful man. He was arrogant in his childishness, but his hair was perfect. It reminded me of a girl named Eleanor, who was in my class in 4th grade. His face had some evidence of a 15 year old in his dimpled smile. I had no interest in him whatsoever, until he was gone. Wishing I took his photo up close and not just at a distance in the dark. Now I'll be straining my memory for a long while, for that frozen portrait of serenity. I couldn't afford a lens with a more powerful zoom.

isolation

i have a neighbor. many of them. i say hello. but i never say good bye

but one of those neighbors has japanese ancestors. he has a child. they watch japanese tv, and listen to japanese music all day long. then i wonder if that child even knows how to speak portuguese. dekaseguis are the sons of japanese immigrants in foreign lands that go back to their homeland. this year is the celebration of 100 years of japanese immigration in brazil. i think that when they came here there weren't any famous animes in the western world, nor technologies above ours. and of course, brazil had a lot of land. this made me think about two things

the first thing was about an tribe in amazon forest. all the children are jailed inside a cottage until they reach the age of 12. they can't even see what happens outside. only their mothers came inside to take care of them. then, when they go outside for the first time, the grown ups put large ants on their skin, in this way they learn how pain is. very strange habit, isn't it?

it makes me think about isolation. isolation inside a home. isolation on an isle.

there are no tribes inside the cities. not even urban tribes. global world, where we choose our style buying t-shirts. but, what makes me amused has happened a lot of times long past. with the great navigators. ambitious europeans with gold fever, powder guns and wooden ships. and Easter Island. they had a culture that made them insanely create head statues of the same shape in different sizes. they had a culture, a slow culture. few resources. and ages to develop. the same thing. then comes another civilization and eats it. the same civilization experienced in threatening others. see chinese and indian and inca and etc. what could a little island of a cult of obcessive for stone heads possibly do?

every person is an island. bridges over troubled waters.

and i had many thoughts to forget. some to share with you before i forget. but the one that i was prideful was another. i thought about god. i thought about food. and loneliness. but this is as boring as any other thought before world trips

do old people have to die to leave more place to new generations?
eternity

we, when young, look for a place under the sun.
the old, they look for the a place in the sunset.

Painted Tape

Or taped paint? She doesn't like to go out, and so I've adapted. My hermit tendencies once again seeping through. I'm hesitant to get out of this room. I've used the toilet, and now I've closed the door again. I like it better when they think I'm sleeping, even though I'm not. Collecting data, I am constantly... I've written a lot of bits and pieces for fiction and non-fictional writing, but I haven't an adequate notebook to put it in. I wish I'd brought my laptop, after all.
I cannot feel the art, I feel like I am in her hole. A dark hole, of fear and self consciousness. And I thought that I would never experience something like it again the last time, wrong. But they like it. They like their crevice. It's familiar.

kill me

i've read about hunger in central america. what would happen if all them die? they are no use for any rich men. they don't have money to buy their own food, what about ipods? then, let's get rid of all those poor people and we will save the world. japanese people will get out of their tiny homes and get some large farms in a africa without aids, because there is no one left to be contamined. new resources. plenty of them.

i thought about that because i think there is too much humans in this world. and the only way to save humankind would be almost exterminate it. but who deserves to die? and who would sacrifice itself for the health of the others?

well, the rich countries have a small fraction of the population and almost the whole the economy of the globe. and they alone are enough too leech the world and take it to a apocalyptic nuclear winter. so, lets the poor survive. but cavemen were poor, and they founded religions, discovered nature laws, and distributed advertising. in short words: they exploited themselves like flames and fuel. ok, then, let's make the most intelligent and counscious people survive, because they know all they mistakes of our repeated and cycled history. let the mad scientist do the job. let hitler do the job. no, i don't think someone is sane enough to repopulate this world

then, let's kill all the humans and let cute nature with all those animals do the same cruelties humans did without going to hell after death. in the end, they don't have souls, do they?

Shoes and eavesdropping

It looks like it's raining outside, or perhaps I'm just delaying my curious instinct. I want to go exploring and I need new shoes, but I don't want to. Nowadays I'm skeptical about modern manufacturing. The shoes I'm wearing now, I've done many things in. They're ugly faded-red Diesels. I went to my first rave in them, I went hitch hiking in them several times, I bought my one-way ticket to Germany with them and so many other countless things. Are they worth the memory? Now the soles have worn away, the colour faded out (although I've painted them). It's been six years and I'm still stuck in the past. Is it time to move on with a new set of footwear? I've so far never found a pair quite as comfortable or cheap as them - when I bought them at the shop, the guy mistook where I'd gotten them from, and instead of paying $80, he charged me only $10, because there was no label and I'd previously been browsing through the shoes on the $10 table. I like it when people make monetary mistakes. It happens often, and sometimes I feel sorry for people, and tell them that I haven't yet paid or whatever. Can't do that all the time, though.
I'm eavesdropping right now, into the conversation held by the guy on the computer next to me. He is talking to his girlfriend, promising her that in a few months he can support her so that she will be free to take part in whatever projects she has planned, without financial worry. I can hear the emotion in his voice through his thick hispanic accent, he is happy. It sounds so nice. A contrast to what I heard last night.
I'm staying in a hostel room with two Italians and one 3/4 Italian. One guy sleeps around, and says that he is fickle. He can't promise a woman anything, because he doesn't believe in relationships, and that he is the worst nice guy, or a pathetic attempt at an asshole. His brother, sleeps around with women and then becomes spiteful, regarding them then as whores. He orders his older brother around, and doesn't speak much, except when he's drunk. The 3/4 Italian-American woman slept with the younger brother, and regards men as untrustworthy assholes, and yet says she sleeps around on her boyfriend herself. I take part in their conversations as if I can empathize with them. As if I care. It's all interesting observation, in any case.

missing feeling or american idiot

something is missing. and i don't know exactly which thing.

it reminds me of when i lost my first cell phone. it simply disappeared, as myths in skeptical society. i tried to call my own number, but the battery was empty. many months later, after i'd bought a new one, i found my old cell phone, a small brick, inside my shoes. it was a large stone inside my shoes. i'm not used to wearing shoes. only at weddings. and i think that keeping cell phones inside shoes is something insane that i would never do. and i did. and when i found that cell phone inside my shoes i remembered that i was getting outside the car and my shorts didn't have pockets and i was bringing the shoes inside, so, no room in my hands. to carry something more, to save trips car-home, i put the cell phone there and there i forgot my cell phone.

something else is missing. and it's precisely my wallet. i'd lost it inside the bus. or someone stole it from me and i didn't notice at all. i've lost my wallet several times, and most of time i find it later. and inside it my id and my credit card. essential for my life living alone in big cities. but i'm still alive. i don't know why an airhead like me is still alive. crossing streets is a conscious event in my life. solving calculus is almost like handwriting.

i've lost my mind. and i've gotten used to that. last time i lost something else, or it was stolen, i thought i was too dumb to deserve to live. someone that doesn't know how to save an archive in windows is still more adapted to this environment than me. and so darwin laws should erase me for humankind sake. but then, i was amazed when i realized i was still alive. and now i see people being hit by a bus while i'm inside, watching the windscreen as a big tv screen. and i speak to myself: it could be me, but it isn't. or, my rusted brain just can't think at all

god bless america