missing feeling or american idiot

something is missing. and i don't know exactly which thing.

it reminds me of when i lost my first cell phone. it simply disappeared, as myths in skeptical society. i tried to call my own number, but the battery was empty. many months later, after i'd bought a new one, i found my old cell phone, a small brick, inside my shoes. it was a large stone inside my shoes. i'm not used to wearing shoes. only at weddings. and i think that keeping cell phones inside shoes is something insane that i would never do. and i did. and when i found that cell phone inside my shoes i remembered that i was getting outside the car and my shorts didn't have pockets and i was bringing the shoes inside, so, no room in my hands. to carry something more, to save trips car-home, i put the cell phone there and there i forgot my cell phone.

something else is missing. and it's precisely my wallet. i'd lost it inside the bus. or someone stole it from me and i didn't notice at all. i've lost my wallet several times, and most of time i find it later. and inside it my id and my credit card. essential for my life living alone in big cities. but i'm still alive. i don't know why an airhead like me is still alive. crossing streets is a conscious event in my life. solving calculus is almost like handwriting.

i've lost my mind. and i've gotten used to that. last time i lost something else, or it was stolen, i thought i was too dumb to deserve to live. someone that doesn't know how to save an archive in windows is still more adapted to this environment than me. and so darwin laws should erase me for humankind sake. but then, i was amazed when i realized i was still alive. and now i see people being hit by a bus while i'm inside, watching the windscreen as a big tv screen. and i speak to myself: it could be me, but it isn't. or, my rusted brain just can't think at all

god bless america