madre teresa de calcutá

it's real. too real. the beggar inside the bus. the daily bus i took in my actual life. it has deformed legs and it crawls on the floor. but it doesn't speak either. i don't know why. maybe shame. many beggars inside buses don't say anything at all. some of them carry a letter and copies of it explaining their situation. sometimes, when they receive a donation they thank for the lord mercy and go away. some of them beg like preachers, or salesmen, or both. but this beggar didn't speak at all. it is not the first time i saw it crawling on the bus nor in the bus terminal. it is mute. the lord has mercy. and if i were merciful i could spare its life. and kill it. but i'm not a murderer, nor a god, nor a hero. and live beings live for living purposes. euthanasia is a gift for someone that can't kill itself. but that beggar could kill itself if it wanted. then i suppose it wants to live. it is an adult. it had a childhood. maybe it had a family in its childhood. at least someone took care of it. it's a shame to not be able to take care of the weak. not strong enough to be able to solve this problem. it's easier to forget. to not see at all. agape is a longing to take care of the of the crippled and retarded. society must do something. to bring happiness to someone who has love left unused. better than pets. dogs and cats can live alone. but humans can't. no human can. but some know how to parasite big mom. begging is a way. sometimes it's not the last way available. but what i want to tell is about the merit of living. and if death is really a gift. it reminds me of pulp fiction. they hijacked a guy that lived inside a chest. did it wanted to live? or the woman and the baby slaves in amistad. enslaved. the baby came to this world and its mother died during the trip. the young woman took the baby, but, depressed, she jumped to drown in the sea. did that baby and woman deserve to live at all? was it a waste? i watched the emperor's new groove. the captain yells to the other soldiers: do you think you will live forever?! and death of soldiers in a war is something largely anonymous, registered numbers. there are many things to die for. many ways to choose what kind of death to die, what kind of life to live. and i don't think i've mastered that to find reasons to kill someone for its own good. easier to kill someone to steal.

and, in the end, i watch many movies and kill no beggar.